Can this relationship be saved?

Popeye and Olive Oyl are tying the knot this month. Can a 70-year engagement sustain and grow with marriage? What about Popeye's addictive behavior and his lack of EQ? Read on.

By Susan Williams

The big news: Popeye will marry his long-time valentine, Olive Oyl. After a 70-year engagement, the couple's union is commemorated in a special comic book to be released this month. IU Home Pages recently spoke with Diane Brashear about this surprising turn of events. Brashear recently retired from her position as clinical assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the IU School of Medicine. She also directed the Institute of Women's Health at the school. The founder of Big Sisters of Greater Indianapolis, Brashear now serves as a consultant on various women's health issues.

Q. Popeye and Olive Oyl have been engaged since 1929. That's what I'd call a long engagement--a really long one. I have to wonder about their commitment to one another. Does this say anything in particular to you about this couple?

They obviously have a fear of commitment and certainly had no intentions of having children. The other possibility is that they were holding out for something better and no one else came along.

Q. Why would a couple like Popeye and Olive Oyl be content to only be engaged for 70 years without making any move toward actual marriage?

This is very modern. They are just ahead of their time. Many couples now are together for a long time and only marry when there is a reason, like having children.

Q. Apparently, an old beau tried to get Olive Oyl back, and this inspired Popeye to finally tie the knot. Is jealousy a good enough reason to get married after an engagement of 70 years?

Brashear

Jealousy is not a good reason to decide to propose. But it is a very common reason--particularly for narcissistic men who, when they become threatened that they are going to lose someone who adores them--will then take the next step.

Q. I know this promotes the stereotype of a manipulative female, but I have to wonder if Olive Oyl engineered this "old beau" thing. What is to prevent Popeye from feeling "tricked" into marriage?

If Popeye does not have good "emotional intelligence (EQ)," then he is out of touch with his feelings and believes that he is the one who made the move. He won't notice.

Q. This couple has other problems--big ones. While I know nothing of Popeye's birth family, he has an extremely large surrogate family that is not happy about this union. Members of his fan club say point blank that they will not recognize the marriage of Popeye and his "goilfriend." Won't this lack of support, bordering on downright hostility, hinder the success of the marriage? What should Olive Oyl do if she senses that Popeye's fan club is sabotaging the union? Could this become a situation where Popeye is forced to choose between his fan club and his wife?

If Olive gives Popeye an ultimatum, she may be in trouble. Popeye most likely wants to keep his fans, after all, that is what has given him longevity in comics. So, if he has to choose, Olive may lose out. In the best of all worlds, Popeye should say to his fans that he loves Olive and they will have to accept her. Then, they should take his lead. But I am not sure that Popeye is sensitive to that, i.e. he does not have "EQ."

Q. This may not specifically influence the outcome of this marriage, but I've always wanted to ask someone--what is this "spinach" thing Popeye has? I've never heard that spinach is addictive, but Popeye's dependence on the green stuff reminds me exactly of that. It's obviously a psychological crutch of some sort. Can you explain this?

There is no data to suggest that spinach has any addictive potential in and of itself. However, if Popeye believes that it gives him strength and he must if he has been using this for so long, then of course, it will. Mind over matter with the help of spinach.

Q. It is clear to me that Popeye and Olive Oyl have a lot of emotional baggage to overcome. Tell me, how can this marriage be sustained?

Any couple needs to make a commitment to working on their marriage. After all, this couple has been a couple for over 70 years so they must have been doing some things to maintain that relationship. It is common for couples to stop paying attention to the relationship after they are married. By this I mean, they should take time to be together and share in positive common experiences, just like dates. They should give time and relationship issues as much priority as career, exercising, being out with the boys, etc. And they should learn to respect each other's feelings. Marriage is based on an emotional relationship. It may have some business characteristics, but, in general, it is emotional. It is not rational. So feelings must be heard and accepted, not criticized or fixed, just understood and accepted. If they practice this, they will have another 70 years.