At Southeast, non-credit class for men explores the language of love

7SS82 -- Romance 101

Here is a timely message to the male readers of IU Home Pages: Has the prospect of buying Valentine's Day gifts for the women in your life got you stumped?

Perhaps you could take a page from the lecture on romance given by Professor Jamie Kauffman at the Indiana University Southeast campus. He teaches -- believe it or not -- a two-hour, non-credit course called, simply, "Romance 101."

Kauffman, who specializes in the field of interpersonal communication, started teaching the course last year and has repeated it twice since then. The professor says the course is designed especially for men who are "romantically challenged."

Why a class for men only?

"I don't hear men complaining about women not being romantic. There is a definite need for such a course," Kauffman replied.

Many of his students are older men who have enrolled in the course for a variety of reasons, some of them humorous‹because their wives encouraged them to take the class; because they were given an ultimatum‹take the class or else; to surprise their wives; or because their wives paid for the class. One of the students said his marriage was on the rocks, and another said he wanted to try to mend a broken romance.

Kauffman said that a discussion about the meaning of the word "romance" may confuse the issue.

"We went round and round and came up with no special definition. The answers were all over the place. Romance means different things to different people," explained the professor.

What Kauffman does emphatically endorse is the importance of spontaneity.

"It's very important. One reason people are looking for romance is that dry rot has set into their relationships," said Kauffman.

He explained that both men and women have needs for independence and intimacy. Making love ranks high on the male's list of romantic things to do, followed by hugging, kissing, dancing and sitting by the fire. Women, on the other hand, are pleased by surprise gifts, love letters, candlelight dinners and phone calls.

Kauffman, who teaches speech communication, told the men in his class that doing romantic things doesn't have to be expensive. He points out ways to show affection that don't cost a penny.

"It can be as simple as running a bath for her or brushing her hair," the professor said.

He stresses that spontaneous gifts are entirely different from the obligatory ones expected on birthdays and Valentine's Day.

All of the little romantic things add up to better communication.

"Talk is the glue that holds persons together. In that way, they feel connected," Kauffman believes.

Has teaching a course in romance changed Kauffman's life? He readily admits that it has caused him to periodically look at his behavior toward his wife, who has teamed up with him to teach another course called "Maintaining a Healthy Relationship" for couples.

And, oh, yeah. Kauffman has a new nickname on the Southeast campus. He's "Dr. Love."

7SS82 -- Romance 101

Editor's note: When not teaching, "Dr. Love" is president of the IUS Faculty Senate. Here's his course description. Contact Kauffman by E-mail at jkauffma@iusmail.ius.indiana.edu

Hey guys! What are you doing for Valentine's Day? On a budget and busy, but your significant other wants you to be romantic, too?

In this two-hour workshop, learn numerous specific ways to be more romantic‹without going broke or sacrificing all your free time.

Also learn about the differences between men's and women's communication styles and what men and women find romantic.

Please note, in this workshop we do not beat drums, engage in group hugs, or sing Kum Ba Ya.

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